So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
