I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
