the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
