Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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