Don't make out with my wife yet
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize