wat bout pragnant strippers??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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