she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
