There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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