I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
