Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
