It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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