I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize