i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
