if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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