I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
