Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
