I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
