I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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