the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
3 2 1 whiskey
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
