You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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