so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
