I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
