Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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