dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
