I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize