he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
