god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
