Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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