yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
