dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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