I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
