yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
