Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
