Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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