my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
