i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
