So drunk its hurt
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
