oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
