Heybabeimwearingurpanties
where am i from again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
