he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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