I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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