we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
