Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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