My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize