9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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