wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
