I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
