Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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