we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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