I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
