i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
