The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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