her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
