no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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