she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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