hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
