i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize