Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
