I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
