I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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