I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
