Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
