he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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