I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
