why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
