so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
