And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
