They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
