shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
this hospital has no fireball
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize