college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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