omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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