can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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