Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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