I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
