i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
