I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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