wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
