Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
