Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
