Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
