Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
