he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
