sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
