I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize