Me too!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
