he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
