it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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