its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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