Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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