What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
