I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
