In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize