Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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