Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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