sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
