I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
