Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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