Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm both gender and math confused
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize