I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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