just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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