the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
