i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
