So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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