i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
