You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
