if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
