for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we made out on top of his cat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
