I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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