I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
