Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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