Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
