OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
