I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize