real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize