just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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