And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
